Dear Readers: Today, I’m giving you a break from the story of Sally’s unfortunate experience. I’m in the mood for some social commentary, so below you will find my plan to save American culture.
Dan’s Big Ideas for Improving America
1. For crimes against humanity, the following people and groups will forthwith be banned from all forms of media:
• Anyone named Trump.
• Anyone named Hilton.
• Anyone who has ever appeared on Fox News.
• Anyone who has ever competed in a beauty pageant.
2. Jon, Kate, plus any reality show that exploits children will be immediately cancelled.
3. Any “reality” TV show that allows two contestants to cry in one episode will be put on probation. These people need to realize that it’s reality, not real. A second offense will result in cancellation.
4. Gavin Newsome and Sarah Palin will be forced to live in the same house for one year with no contact with the outside world.
5. Instead of firing teachers during the current economic “downturn,” politicians will be sent home without pay, without their perks, without their expense accounts.
6. Sexual dysfunction medications will no longer sponsor sporting events or the telecasts of these events.
7. Anyone who follows the advice of Dr. Phil will be forced to live with the consequences of their stupidity.
Stay tuned for more.